Kids “from high-conflict homes are more likely to have poor interpersonal skills, problem solving abilities and social competence.”
– Anna Sutherland, Institute for Family Studies
None of set out to have high-conflict relationships or separations. None of us hope our kids get caught in the middle of it. But it happens. And it happens all too often that a conflict gets out of control. There are lots of factors that contribute to that phenomenon. The law around parenting is currently changing as the Divorce Act gets a much-needed overhaul. Kids are at the center of those changes and reducing the conflict around kids is a key objective.
One way to ensure your kids come through the changes they are also experiencing is to mange the conflict you have with the other person. Having a professional to consult with can help to keep the kids’ interests at the forefront. Knowing how the law deals with kids’ interests is critical. Knowing what you want for your kids is equally important.
If there is someone involved in helping decide what will be the best arrangement for your children – either through the Office of the Children’s Lawyer or a private assessor – it can be wise to hire a lawyer on a limited scope basis to come with you to the ‘disclosure’ meeting. That is when the person discloses what their findings and recommendations are. These meetings can lead to settlement. But they can also lead to hearing perspectives that are hard to hear. Having a lawyer by your side can help with both of these potential outcomes.
When you hire a lawyer on a legal coaching basis, you get the help you need at the time you need it. Checking in with a lawyer along the way (when you decide) gives you the opportunity to talk through whether your plan for the kids is realistic, help you to know whether the law is on your side on a particular issue, or give you guidance on how to write child-focused emails and texts to the other person.
I hear people say that they would rather spend money on their kids rather than on legal fees. But when you’re in the midst of a separation or divorce, spending money to get the help you need when you need it is spending money on your kids.
Check back next week, ‘L’ is for …